How do I sync/update an iphone without losing my music library?

Hi there,
My wife's iphone was tied to a laptop iTunes library. The laptop's hard drive died some time ago, and she has since refused to update the iOS version or sync the phone with another computer, for fear of losing access to the considerable amount of non-iTunes MP3s that were formerly on her laptop, and are now only stored on her iPhone.
So my question is twofold:
1) Can I update the iOS for her without syncing the itunes library on the phone? She is currently running iOS 3.1.3 (7E18). If I can update it, how do I do so safely?
2) Is there any way to set up a new iTunes library on her new laptop without destroying the music library she already has on the phone?
My goal would be to simply get the iOS version and iTunes database up to the latest version, so we can subscribe her to the iCloud service and back up all her music.
Your help is appreciated.
Cheers,
OMJ

If on a Mac, you can use a program called senuti to get all the music off the phone.
http://www.fadingred.com/senuti/
If you have the old itunes backed up, you can move it to the new user on the new laptop. The phones are linked to the itunes library, not the computer.

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