I have one of each, can my iphone to be the key device?

I have a iPad and iPhone and Macbook Pro; All are Apple's latest products. I want to at least set my iPhone to be the key device that tells the others not to remind me of eMail and text messages I have already answered.
As it is now when I get  messages and emails that I answer on my phone, the laptop and the iPad tell me I have new messages. The iPad and laptop just don't know I've read and answered the eMails and messeges.
I want the three devices to know that one of the other devices has answered eMail and messages. I don't want to read and sort my iPad and my laptop email and messages after I have already done this on my iPhone.
The best case would be to set my devices up so I only need to read and reply one time to eMail and messages from any device?
*or* at least
Can I set my iphone to be the key device so the iphone tells the others that the messages and the email have been answered?

Roger Wilmut1 already answered...
The correct answer is IMAP mail, whereby the messages remain on the server at all times and are accessed by various devices, exactly like webmail. It's a question of whether your ISP offers it - many don't - and can change you over to it. That would do what you want.
The answer for eMail is IMAP. Just need answer for Messages.

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