I just don't get it...pls help

I've been using apple computers for years but for some reason i tunes and iphoto do my head in. i'm thnking that I just don't think ike the developers??
This is what i want to do:
Yesterday i was at a birthday party and I took some photos and videos with my iphone (as you do). All i want to do is download the photos and videos to my computor, stick them in a folder (or album I guess you would call it), name the album, and  then email the album/folder to a friend.
questions:
1.why does my computor load itunes everytime i connect the phone? What does itunes have to do with photos?
2. if itunes says it's backing up/syncing my phone then is it also doing the downloading of the photos as well?? -ie can i do all that i wnat on itunes?
3. how do you deal with the size issue? (we're talking 7 photos / 5 movies  - 461mb)
I'm not dumb...I just seem to have a real block when it comes to the way this software is structured. to me it just seems comlicated when it ought to be simple. Please Help so i can get on top of this once and for all.
my computer - macbook (white) 10.6.8  - 2Ghz intel core 2 Duo
iphone - iphone 5 (7.0)
itunes- 11.1.3 (8)
iphoto - iphoto 09 (8.1.2)

Not sure what these have to do with iPhoto but here goes:
1. iTunes is loading everytime you connect the phone because you didn't tell it not to. It defaults to loading as it's the primary way for getting things onto your phone. Click on your Phone in the iTunes window, then on Summary and then look at the Options pane. Unchek the first one.
2. I would imagine that yes, it's backing up the phone but no you can't use iTunes to do what you want. That back up is heavily compressed.
3. I would first understand that there is no way to email 461 mb anywhere.  Sharing video via email is not advisable. Many email services have an attachment limit of 20mb and some a limit of 10mb. As emails are sent through an array of relays, the effective limit is the smallest file size allowed on any of the relays.  That means that video is rarely suitable for emailing.
Then there's the whole issue of Codecs and not all machines will have the codecs to play all videos. Plus, folks with slower connections can find it very inconvenient to download large video files.
How would I do ti? Upload it to sharing services like Dropbox or YouSendIt and email a link. This will require that they download the material to their machines to view.
If you don't like iPhoto don't use it. It's not complusory. You can recover photos and videos from your phone with Image Capture (in the Applications Folder)
Regards
TD

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    I'm going to group 1, 2, and 3 together, and assume it sounds as if the iBook hasn't been authorized for use with your iTunes Store account. In iTunes, click on your Store menu (at the top of the screen) and click Authorize Computer. Enter the information used to make your purchases and click Authorize. Once it says it's successful, see if you can play the songs in iTunes first. If so, go ahead and try to get them onto the iPod (whichever method you prefer). If they still don't play, please repost with the error message you receive so we can be of better assistance.
    Number 4 sounds like it may be normal behavior... example: If you have 10 songs in your Music library and you Autofill the iPod with all of them, and go back to the iPod's Contents and manually delete 5 of them, then add 3 more songs to your library and Autofill the iPod again from your Music library, you'll end up with all 13 songs on your iPod again. Let me know if you're able to follow what I'm saying... I almost wasn't :P
    CG

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