ICloud for a family account does not work

We could not use iCloud for our family for multiple computers and devices with one [email protected] The details..
These are our devices -
Two iPhone 4's (me and my wife)
One iPhone 3G (my daughter)
MacBook Pro
MacPro
Mac Mini
iPad2
We want to use one [email protected] account for iTunes
To use iCloud on all my iPhones with one [email protected] account, all our contacts, calendars, photos will be downloaded to all devices. The problems are - Why would my calendar, contacts and emails show up on my wife's and daughters iPhones
The reason to use one [email protected] account for all computers, iPhones and iPads are - any iTunes purchases need to be available for the entire family to enjoy. If we used different @mac.com accounts, we will have to purchase the same song or iBook multiple times. This defeats the main reason for iCloud.
I am shocked that Apple did not envision this problem with one family account. If they do have a solution, I could not find it. I called technical support as well as go to the local genius bar. They all suggested getting different @mac.com accounts for each iPhone device. This is counterproductive and defeats the purpose of one ecosystem that Steve Jobs always preached.
Any suggestions..

You can use one Apple ID in itunes for all your purchases.
You can also use different IDs in iCloud so that each ID keeps whatever devices are registered to that ID are kept in sync.  If you don't want you wife's and your calendars to be identical, then you need different IDs.  Again, you can all keep the same Apple ID for your iTunes purchases.

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