Multiple problems with syncing deleting media off iPhone

The syncing process on the iPhone is very frustrating.
As all know, with the iPod, if I wanted to put a song I had in iTunes onto my iPod, all I had to do was connect my iPod, click on the song in iTunes, and drag it on to my iPod. Easy. No more. With iPhone, I have to sync in order to move anything.
What's worse, if I delete anything out of my iTunes for any reason, I ultimately have to delete it off of the iPhone as well. Here’s why: as mentioned above, in order to add a song, I have to sync. Let’s say I have my iPhone set up to sync certain playlists only, e.g., “red,” “green,” and “blue.” If I sync my iPhone and let’s say, song “A” is currently on my iPhone in the red playlist, but has been deleted out of iTunes, my iPhone will delete it. If I try to avoid this problem – i.e., I want to keep red the way it is, so I only want to sync green and blue, and thus uncheck red in the “sync selected playlists” section, my red playlist is deleted off of my iPhone altogether. Why?
This is a problem for multiple reasons. For one, my computer is running out of space. Media takes up a lot of space. I would like to be able to delete things off of my computer without having to lose them in order to sync my iPhone (for anything - iTunes, Outlook, etc). Similarly, I can’t import any songs into iPhone without buying them in iTunes on my computer and then syncing, so if I want to both add new songs and retain the songs I already have on my iPhone, I must keep them on my computer.
I've already suffered the consequences. I deleted 40 hours of lectures (which I have on CD) off of my computer once I put them onto my iPhone, and now the iPhone has just wiped them all out as well. Terrific. I’m not about to reimport all those lectures now. It would take hours, and I’ve already done it once. I am very angry that a $600 piece of equipment has a problem that did not exist on my three-year-old iPod.
And other similar syncing issues abound. If I try to tell the iPhone not to sync video with my computer, it DELETES the video off of my phone. Similarly, with photos – if I don’t want it to sync anymore, because I want to keep my photos the way they are on the iPhone, I can't just tell it not to sync photos. If I do that, it deletes them. This makes no sense to me.
If these syncing problems weren't enough, iTunes no longer lets me play songs from my iPhone on my computer. This was never true with my iPod, and I fail to understand how this enhances security issues, since I was already unable to move media from my iPod back onto my computer.
At the moment (it is 4 AM), I am now sitting at my computer re-syncing everything that I hadn't already deleted off my computer. It is incredibly, unbelievably, mind-numbingly frustrating, and I am NOT a person who gets frustrated by technology. Someone please help - I hope that I'm either missing an easy fix or that Apple is going to update the software immediately.

Tap Settings App>General>Reset>Reset Network Settings.
Take to place (Apple Center) that fixed it before and ask them to show you the steps to keep your iPhone working.

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