Need Help Understanding How To Use iMessage Between Two iPhones

I have an iPhone 4 and my wife an iPhone 3GS.  We both have iOS 5, but I have discovered something about iMessage I need to make sure I understand correctly.  As I understand it iMessage can send text even if our voice carrier service is unavailable.  I tend to loose signal inside the building I work in.  I usually can get texts in and out, but sometimes not.  But in testing the two phones sending iMessages, I've noticed is that if I have one of the phones with iMessage turned on and the other with iMessage turned off, the two phones will not be able to exchange text.  Is that how it's supposed to work?  Even though one of these phones can receive an iMessage doesn't mean the other one send one back.  Can't the system detect when one phone is connected and another one not, and the one that is not gets sent SMS messages instead?  I don't want to try to send my wife an iMessage because I can't get a voice signal in my building, but her have iMessages turned off and not able to get any messages from me, iMessage or SMS.  I guess I need help better understanding how this actually works between the two phones so I can always get texts back and forth between my wife and I.  My other misgiving is that this iMessage thing consumes my data limit.  My wife gets unlimited because she had her phone before the limits were imposed, but I got on board after, so I am hesitant to use iMessage all the time because of it.  I have no intention to send picture mail through iMessage, but the thing is if I wanted to switch to SMS to send picture mail to save data, but my wife's phone is set to iMessage, she won't get it.  If this is how this thing is supposed to work, I'm not really impressed.  Some insight would be appreciated

I think you are making this way too complicated. Why are you turning iMessage off? If you are at your office connect to the WiFi there and send your wife messages that way (unless your office is blocking the port iMessage uses). When possible the two phones will use iMessage but will revert to SMS is iMessage is not available if that option is set that way.
I would not worry about using up your data plan if you have the 2GB, text iMessages are going to be very small and MMS (picture) ones are not very large either. Unless you are sending hundreds of picture iMessages a day you will have a hard time using up your data.
If you are near an Apple Store you should explore signing up for an intro iPhone course and have them run through iMessage options.

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