Why can't I choose whether or not I want alerts from shared calendars?

My wife and I want to view each other's iCloud calendars, but she certainly doesn't need to recieve alerts for my meetings, nor do I need alerts for hers.  Am I missing something or is there no way around this?   What a huge flaw for a shared calendar!

This is unfortunately how the shared calendar systems works at the moment. The reminders appear event specific instead of user specific. Hopefully Apple will get around to fixing this as soon as possible.
This problem also appears with shared reminder lists in the new iOS5 5 reminder app.
Solution, unfortunately, is to share your calendars via a third party. For example, google.

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