Best method to sync 2 iPhones, access same library, but different apps

My wife and I just got 2 iPhones 16GB 3GS. We currently have just 1 iTunes account (don't want a second one) and store all music on our desktop computer. Most of the music is files from CD's that I've had on the computer for way longer than we've had iTunes, and currently only a few albums are imported into iTunes.
Anyway, we tried both syncing our phones to iTunes on the desktop, but that ended up putting all apps from each phone onto the other phone. She has her apps, I have my apps, and we don't need or want them on both.
My parents both have iPhones, and they said they also use 1 account, but they have iTunes installed on both of their laptop machines and they each sync their phone to their own machine.
I tried setting up iTunes on our laptop last night, same account, and sharing the music folder on the desktop so that the laptop could see it (shared the folder in Windows Explorer). I imported a few albums from the desktop fine, but the on one album that iTunes couldn't get the artwork for, it also wouldn't let me add artwork manually, I'm guessing because it was imported from a network source.
I want to have all our media files stored on the desktop, because it's the one that gets backed up daily with an external 1TB USB HDD. The laptop does not get backed up, as it's primarily just used for web browsing.
Anyone have suggestions for the best way to go about this? Perhaps the new Home Sharing feature could be of some use?
Message was edited by: PatrickGSR94

Well maybe I didn't set something right the first time we sync'd both phones. She had some apps on hers, and I had some apps on mine. I did hers first, and it put those apps on iTunes. Then I sync'd mine, and not only did it put my apps on iTunes, but it also copied her apps to my phone, and vice versa the next hers was sync'd.

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Faulting module name: ntdll.dll, version: 6.1.7601.17725, time stamp: 0x4ec49b8f
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