Help with OSX server mail setup

Please if anyone can tell me what I am doing wrong, I would be very grateful.  I have a company with an externaly hosted website and an an internally hosted email (OSX server).  I have everything kind of working, but some things don't seem quite right.  I'll explain below:
I have a purchased domain: mycompany.com hosted by godaddy.
I am using Godaddy name servers: ns65.domaincontrol.com and ns66.domaincontrol.com
The external godaddy DNS has an a name entry for my mail server: mail pointing to 123.123.123.123 (which is my companies external static IP address).
There is also a null (@) a name record for my website hosting service (squarespace) pointing to 456.456.456.456
There is a cName record www pointing to the squarespace domain "www.squarespace6.com"  (know this is unusual, but it is how squarespace asks this to be set up and does not work otherwise)
There is an MX record with priority 10 and host name @ pointing to mail.mycompany.com
I have a airport extreme router with the appropriate ports forwarded to the OSX server.
The DNS servers on the router are pointed to the internal IP address of the OSX server
I did not change the domain name on the router (mistake?) it is currently san.rr.com
On the OSX server I have set up host name to be mycompany.comDNS is set up with primary zone being mycompany.com
Primary Zone entries include
nameserver = mycompany.com
machine record host name is mycompany.com and the IP address is the internal IP address of the OSX server
another machine record with host name "mail" and IP address is the internal IP address of the OSX server.
Finally, there is a mail exchanger record with mail server "mail.mycompany.com" and priority 10
There are 2 entries autocreated in the Reverse zone
Mail is setup and running on the OSX server providing mail for "mail.mycompany.com"
Users are setup with email address: [email protected] (note: without the mail subdomain - I think this is OK?)
I am using self signed certificate.
In my clients (windows Thunderbird, Mac Mail, iOS mail), the settings are for the incoming mail server host name to be "mail.mycompany.com" and the outgoing also to be "mail.mycompany.com"
I woud have expected this to be imap.mycompany.com and smtp.mycompany.com respectively, but it doesn't work when I input these values and works with the former.  Have I set this up wrong??  imap seems to require SSL on port 993 and SMTP seems to require TLS on port 587.Outlook on PC gives me an error that after googling appears to be a problem with not recognizing a fuly qualified hostname form the SMTP client.  I see the fix, but wanted to know if that meant that my server didn't have a fully qualified host name and whether I should change that rather than just remove that restriction???
The final problem is that my outgoing emails seem to be getting caught up in other people's spam filters too frequently.  What is the main reason for this?  Is it because I have set something up wrong and it brings up flags or is it simply because I am not a huge hosting company, or somethign else althogether?
If you've gotten this far, big thanks!  If you can help me, even more thanks!

Well, actually they are both getting caught up in spam filters and bounced back.  I actually realized that part of the problem is that I have a dynamic IP address, but it doesn't change.  Regardless, on the bounce back it looks like hotmail and other domains are rejecting email from my IP and recognize it as dynamic.  This was a test server that i would by physically taking to my business where there is a static business IP address (Cox).
Sorry for the very long original message, but it seems that most people don't post enough information for the problem to be solved in their original posts and I was hoping to provide as much detail as possible.
The other is the question of "are things set up right?"  It seems strange to me that both my outgoing and incoming servers are "mail.mycompany.com" and not imap.mycompany.com and smtp.mycompany.com and I wonder if this is going to cause me to have problems?
Is it a problem that my email addresses are [email protected] and not [email protected]?
Was I supposed to change the domain name on the router?
Also is it going to be a problem that I am using a self signed certificate?

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