When connected to itunes, my iphone 4 shows up as a device. GREAT - but it won't give me any other option than to restore it from older back ups saved. I went to a Genius and there's nothing wrong with the phone itself so it HAS to be my itunes. Ideas?

My iTunes is up to date and i have print screens to show you what I'm on about if it's unclear:
http://i40.tinypic.com/mku9lw.jpg
http://i41.tinypic.com/25h1gs1.jpg
The genius said he'd not come accross this before but i'm pretty sure everything is up to date on my pc (well...it's a vista so as up to date as it can be)
PLEASEEE HELLP MEEE

one more detail, after a restore, when I attempt to reload music to the ipod, if I try and move, say, 20 files, the transfer seems to work as it should but then stalls on the last file.  Eventually, the status will change to "Updates Files on (my ipod)" a and suggests the iPod is syncing  even though I have the auto sync feature turned off.
This process eventually works itself out, and seems to take longer relative to the number of files I attempt to transfer.   Once done, howver, if I try and eject and dismount the iPod, iTunes stalls with the spinning pinwheel and I am warned that the iPod is syncing again with the spinning candy cane status bar.     Eventually thisd works itself out and the iPod dismounts from iTunes and the desktop and eventually the iPod is free to disconnect.
Then if I try and play the music I just transfered, the iPod says there is no music loaded.
Ideas?

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