Canceled service, never got sent packing slip, now in collections

I ordered Verizon DSL Internet in November. The modem and a tech arrive, oh, looks like I don't have connections in my apartment, I only have cable connections. My mistake. I'm sorry.
I cancel the subscription, never having gotten a single digital bit of information anywhere within my apartment. Verizon assures me the cancellation request is fine and that they'll send a packing slip for the modem. Great.
A bill appears for the first month use. Not great. I call and have the bill canceled. I point out I need a packing slip for the modem. They say fine. Great.
Later on a bill arrives FOR THE MODEM. I call and point out I've been waiting for the packing slip for the modem. They say fine. I wait.
Frankly, by this point, I forget. My mistake. I'm sorry. Turns out I have more **bleep** going on in my life than following up on some modem boxed up on a shelf in my apartment I'm waiting to mail. Now today I receive a bill FROM COLLECTIONS. $56.23.
Not great. I call again, the phone tree (which itself is a bureaucratic insanity right out of Kafka meets Gilliam's Brazil at this point) won't let me pass because the account home phone number and reference numbers seem to no longer be referenced to me. I get connected to a woman connects me to a shipping department so that I can get a packing slip where I have to leave a message because I can't get through to an agent. I don't have time to call during regular business hours because I work.
Look. Here is what I need:
1) I. NEED. A. PACKING. SLIP. SO. THAT. I. CAN. SEND. YOU. YOUR. MODEM.
2) I need a chat option with an agent online so that I can just simply write out what I need and get a response. Your phone tree is impenetrable. I've used it at this point half a dozen times and still never get connected to anybody who seems capable of doing what I need.
3) I need my name and debt withdrawn from the collection agency BECAUSE ALL I NEED TO DO IS SEND YOU BACK YOUR USELESS MODEM. It's not like I want the thing, it's not like I'm using it for anything, it's not like I'm withholding it from you. Alllllllll LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLlLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL I NEED IS A **bleep** PACKING SLIP.
TL;DR: PACKING SLIP.
In case you're not getting the point:
PACKING SLIP.
Please. For the love of god and all that is holy. I know I should probably just pay the **bleep** bill just because of the hassle, but really when it comes down to it I'm abjectly driven to discover just how far, how many places I need to go, who I need to talk to, to get one, tiny, simple, measly little
PACKING SLIP.
You can send it to my e-mail or you can mail it to me or you could just call me and leave me your shipping address (no, it's not on any of the documentation I have). You can do anything! You're Verizon! You're huge!
Just send me a **bleep** packing slip!
And remove my debt from collections.
Package slip. Collections.
Best regards,
--dibniz.

Hi Dibniz,
Sorry you are having difficulty. An agent with access to your account will reach out to you directly by email, private message in the Forums and/or the billing telephone number on your Verizon account for more information or to help you resolve your issue. Please remember to check your spam/junk folder if you do not hear from an agent.

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