CF8 / MySQL 5 - Cannot connect to remote datasource

Hi all,
i'm using CF8 on my web server and i'm trying to connect to a
remote MySQL datasource. Ive doubled checked my settings and ive
even got my web developer to check the settings and they are all
correct. My developer can connect to the database no problem, so i
know it must be an issue with my CF server.
this is a complete blocker, we cant continue with the
development until we fix this.
this is the error i get when i try to verify the db
connection:

ok so if type at the command promt this:
telnet mysql_xx.xx.xx.xx 3306 i get this:
Connecting To mysql_xx.xx.xx.xx...Could not open connection
to the host, on port 3306: Connect failed
if i type this:
telnet mysql_xx.xx.xx.xx 3306 telnet mysql_Xname.com 3306
i get this:
C:\Documents and
Settings\Administrator.ALLIED-WEB-01>telnet mysql_xx.xx.xx.xx
3306 telnet mysql_Xname.com 3306
telnet [-a][-e escape char][-f log file][-l user][-t
term][host [port]]
-a Attempt automatic logon. Same as -l option except uses
the currently logged on user's name.
-e Escape character to enter telnet client prompt.
-f File name for client side logging
-l Specifies the user name to log in with on the remote
system.
Requires that the remote system support the TELNET ENVIRON
option.
-t Specifies terminal type.
Supported term types are vt100, vt52, ansi and vtnt only.
host Specifies the hostname or IP address of the remote
computer
to connect to.
port Specifies a port number or service name.
what's this telling us? did i type it right?

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