Forgot itunes password and email address no longer valid

I'm trying up download apps on my iPad and I have 3 problems:-
1.  the default email address on iTunes no longer exists (was my husbands old email)
2.  I don't know the password
3.  When I select security questions and put in my birth details it says they aren't valid either
Any suggestions please? 
I have another apple ID but It always defaults to the one that isn't valid, is there a way of changing the default ID to my own?
Thanks

Is it not the case that if you reset to factory settings then you won't be able to retrieve the apps you've already paid for which are assigned to the old password
I have this exact same problem

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