HT1414 I have disabled the auto synch on connection of the IPhone5 and now ITunes will not show the iphone  as available. How can I find the dialog that will give me control over backup's?

Where -on iTunes - can I find a control that will enable me to synch the Iphone.
The auto synch on attaching is turned off

There is no merge feature for itunes content, never was. Merge applies only to contacts and calendar entries.
The itunes content sync is one way - computer to iphone. The exception is itunes purchases
You can transfer the purchases from the iphone to itunes before you sync. File>Transfer Purchases

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