I need to rebuild some relationships

Question

I've ignored this forum too long (despite continuing to enjoy it (Thanks uj)). The only people I understand, and for the most part that understand me, are right here. I can't compete with them when it comes to technical knowledge for this particular technology, but they have always treated me with respect, and most important with humor. I would consider a few people here legitimate friends, and irony would have it that most of them have been beaten up recently for being right a-holes.
I don't care about any of that, despite the fact that I might have an opinion.
I'm in a new work environment and I've had to deal with the following recently. I need perspective before I do something I will regret.
Note: Names changed to protect the innocent:
Fred/Kevljo,
I realize that Kevljo had to do an audit of our consignment parts in the warehouse this morning, however Ben and Ron have been in the (factory) working on CON21 with no (your company) support all morning. I've tried to page both of you with no response. I realize that Fred is leaving, but we still need full (your company) support now and through the transition. We are critically behind on both CON21 and CON31 and can't afford to let the (equipment) sit during working hours - even for an hour. Please contact me when you get this so we can discuss plans going forward.
/email
My response, names and companies changed again:
Hi T-Dog,
As I�ve mentioned before, the pager I was given early on during this project does not work in this building (as such, I�ve stopped carrying it). I�ve made several requests to the (my company) people responsible to provide me another with a better service, however, so far I haven�t received it. Fred was working on CON30 this morning and he�s telling me he did not get a page from you.
I�ve talked with Ben a couple of times today and the only support he requested was for me to remove my tags from the (basement facilities) so (another level of documentation) could power up CON21, which I did immediately when I received his message. I also spoke with Ron regarding a question he had for CON21. If there were additional concerns, they were not brought up at that time.
Fred and I have on several occasions worked past agreed working hours and weekend days to make up for lost time because of contractors working on the (equipment), (Your company) or (My company) expectations during work hours, etc. That trend, as you know will continue this weekend.
I feel being behind schedule of CON21 and CON31 as it stands now has nothing to do with any (my companies) effort or lack thereof. I understand we are under pressure to get th(is) (equipment) up, but save for 21 receiving power this week and having some of the conversion parts, we can�t accomplish any more.
Let me know if you still want to discuss further.
Best Regards,
Kevljo
/email
Comments?

Answer 1

Hi Jschell,
I appreciated your inputs, and found them constructive (everyone else's too), however...
As soon as someone is explicitly or implicitly accused
of something, they will get defensive. And that isn't
going to help to solve the problem and it isn't going
to help in the long run either.
If you want to be diplomatic then it helps to do the
following...I don't believe I ever intended to be diplomatic, it was a struggle to remain professional. I should point out that this email was cc'ed to my bosse's boss, and to the person responsible for contract negotiations at the site I'm currently working in.
>
1. Don't send (or say) anything in an emotional state.
In particular never sit down and bang out an email
when you are angry and immediately send it out. Bang
it out, and then let it sit for a while until you can
review it.Personally, I find I edit too much when I do this. Sometimes the emotional response is the best to get your point across.
2. Never accuse anyone of anything.
3. Never comment in a negative way on the work of
another where you are not responsible for that person.
The simple pattern to achieve the above is to always
phrase comminications with the following pattern.
1. "I" (you - the person sending the email) has a
problem.
2. "I" need the persons help/advice to which I am
sending the email
Actually you can use the above in dealing with
subordinates as well.
For example....
As I�ve mentioned before, the pager I was givenearly
on during this project does not work in thisbuilding
(as such, I�ve stopped carrying it). I�ve made
several requests to the (my company) people
responsible to provide me another with a better
service, however, so far I haven�t received it.Fred
was working on CON30 this morning and he�s tellingme
he did not get a page from you.And rephrasing the response...
I don't know what to do and I was hoping you could
help me. The pager simply doesn't work in the
building. I even tried a test where I tried it
outside the building where it worked and then another
test immediately after where it didn't work in the
building. And I asked for another one or even a
different system, but no one has provided one and I
don't know how to speed up the process or where to go
from here.
Perhaps you could suggest a way to get a new pager?
Or even some way to make it work in the building?
Or some other way to communicate that doesn't involve
a pager?
There are only several ways that the above can be
answered.
1. They can tell you to forget it and that it isn't
their problem. In most companies that sort of reply
would be severly frowned upon. Most companies
promote, even if it doesn't happen, a "team"
environment. And that sort of reply, particularily in
writing, indicates that the "team" effort isn't
working. (Not much you can do, unless of course you
want to forward to someone higher in the chain who is
promoting the "team".)
2. They have no idea how to solve the problem either.
But they will stop hassling you about it because now
it is their problem (because they couldn't come up
with a solution.)
3. They will provide a solution. And everyone is
happy.
I liked this input and took something away from it.
I should like to point out that when I replied, I cc'ed the people within my company who are responsible for providing pagers. They had adequately blew me off for a good two months, and this was my way of saying, "See what your lack of action causes?". That may have been the wrong way to approach it, but I have always had a problem with this particular person my entire career. He is truly feckless. Sometimes a hammer is the only way to crack a nut.
I went on a bender this weekend, and managed to not get into any fights, so I guess I've simmered down a bit. The engineer who generated the first email explained to me this morning that it's purpose was due to the fact they felt my co-worker was not even on the site. God forbid they ask me directly. That's what I call promoting teamwork.