PS CC HDR toning in ACR then Converting to 16 bit major error!

Question

So here's the deal - I'm an avid user of HDR and have always made my HDRs in photoshop (but tonemapped elsewhere).  Now, with the new tonemapping in ACR I can get great results - BUT - there's a BIG problem.
After I've created my HDR and toned it in ACR it opens in photoshop as a 32 bit file (with the camera raw adjustments showing as a filter).
And it looks great.
BUT, when I try to make that a usable file by converting down to 16 or 8 bit - all that work goes to waste.
I've always used "exposure and gamma" to convert from 32 to 16 or 16 to 8 - that's the one we all know and love because it doesn't change anything as far as the image appearance.
However - with HDRs I create and tone in ACR:  Once I do this to convert to 16 bits using exposure and gamma (like always and touching nothing) - the image turns almost white - horribly washed out and lousy looking.  I've tried it every way I can think of.  I'll flatten the 32 bit file as to get rid of the acr smart filter, I've rasterized the layer, I've duplicated the document, I've tried merging and not merging - everything.  The preview that shows when I am about to convert 32 to 16 in exposure/gamma looks correct, but as soon as I do it - boom - washed out weird looking image.
Other issue:
If I save a 32 bit psd after toning in ACR to work on later - it looks way different the next time I open it.  This happens whether I save the profile along with the file or not.  It opens darker, for the most part and I can never get back to how it was (and was unable to save as 32, 16, or 8 looking right!).
Last issue:  If I create a 32 bit hdr image but choose NOT to tone in acr and save it as a radiance file - if I open that radiance file later in photoshop and use the acr filter to tone it - again, it appears way different like a lot of data has been lost.  The image is usually a lot brighter, washed out, less colorful, and the pixels seem to not be able to bend very far in any direction.
Can someone please explain if I am doing something wrong??  Or if this is a bug??  I love the way the 32 bit images look once I've toned them - but that's the only time they'll look remotely like that!  Can't save, convert to 16 bit, or do doodly squat without the image drastically changing!

Answer 1

Ok!  Thank you everyone for taking the time to help me figure this out!  I appreciate it!
I have taken everyone's advice into consideration and tried everything suggested - watched every video - read every link - and here's where I'm at now.
There's some good news and bad news and just plain weird news.
I do have those profile settings enabled (always have) - and it does ask me if I want to embed, convert, or discard.
If I flatten a 32 bit toned image (to get rid of the acr filter) and save it as a 32 bit tiff - I can re-open that tiff with convert to working space on - and it looks the same.  I can ALSO convert that tiff to 16 bit and have it look a LOT closer to the original (nothing like the washed out ones).  That's good news!
However, if I save the 32 bit toned image with the acr filter still there as PSD - it will open washed out and crazy the next time I open it (using convert to working space - I've also tried every other option).  So - working on a 32bit toned in acr image again is still impossible after closing it without it looking all washed out.
ALSO - there is one section in color profile settings that is puzzling me and affects all of this in a major way.
Above the three boxes to check about profile mismatches and warnings - there are 3 settings
RGB, CMYK, and Gray.
Now by default my RGB settings was RGB: Off
I know this is a weird issue because my working space is adobe rgb and the profile mismatch warnings are still on - so the same result happens when opening files.  And also by checking the include the working color profile with an image when you save it should achieve the same result as haveing RGB: Preserve Embedded Profiles on.  But there's a weirder area this causes a difference.
If I have that RGB setting OFF - and merge those 3 same images to hdr and then go to tone in ACR it looks really dark (not a problem it's a 32 bit hdr file - I use acr to make it look the way I want).  It's rich in color and seems to have loads of data and tone available to play with.
HOWEVER - if I start with that RGB setting to "Preserve embedded profiles" - then merge those same 3 images to hdr and then go to tone in ACR it looks entirely different.  It looks way less dark and contrasty, is very drained in color, and seems to have a lot less data to play with in terms of bringing out shadows or toning down highlights.
It's best for me to just show you a side by side - as I'm including here.  This is the same hdr created with no changes other than that one setting (shown in the image) being different before I merge to hdr.  (And the 32bit image that opens in ACR I have made zero changes to at the point of screen capture).
Any ideas?