When i accept invites in ICAL when added via email it removes it

this has been happening for a while now and i really do not understand as it worked ok before then one day changed
basically when i get a callender invite from google cal via a email i use the attached invite.ics to add it to my phone (iphone 4)
it adds to my phone simple enougth and syncs to my ical on my mac
now when i look on my ical on my mac the invites are gray (should be green) and ask me to accept or decline
when i accept the invite it dissappears from my ical completely - i can not find it at all
BUT it is still on my phone's calender as normal
why is it doing this?
also i have a problem with once added i can not delete events sent this way and editing them (ether manulaly or when sent a update to the same event)
any help will be greatly apperciated

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