Can't see mail in process of sending

when i finish writing a message and hit send, it vanishes while it's being sent and appears in the sent messages folder only after it's been sent. however, sometimes, for various reasons the message takes time to be sent (if it's very heavy, if the internet connection fails, or for unknown reasons) and at this stage, there's no way to see the message ANYWHERE. there's no outbox.
sometimes i may want to alter the message, make it smaller, delete it, or resend it to someone else, or shut down the computer without losing the unsent message, but it is nowhere to be found!
how do i open a message that's in the process of being sent? how do i open the outbox?
right now, a long message that i've written is stuck like that in limbo. it won't complete the sending process (the activity wheel is turning) and i can't stop it or find it. i took all accounts offline, but it still won't stop. mail won't quit and i'm afraid that if i force quit i'll lose the message (which took an hour to compose).
please help!

thanks for the reply, i tried to it's not working very well... i complosed an email with attachmenys and tried stopping it in the process of sending by pressing on the x as you suggested. it took about 10 minutes for the outbox to appear (which is way too long) and it sent the message anyway! it doesn't appear in the sent folder but i received it (it was sent to myself).
i can't figure out how to rebuild the mailbox (or which mailbox to rebuild) - i can't find any of these options in the Mail menu or in any of the other menus including the ones on the bottom left. i even tried ctrl clicking - but founf nothing.
maybe there's a problem with my application? (i have version 3.6)
thanks!

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