Verizon Wireless Network Extender and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Customer Service experience

Question

It was a dark and stormy night...
For the past eight years, I had been happy with Verizon wireless service. Great coverage and rarely a dropped call. However, all of that changed when I moved into a lovely mid-century modern condominium. The solid concrete walls and ceilings were blocking my attempts to communicate with the outside world (i.e. order pizza).
Enter the Verizon Wireless Network Extender! My own personal cell tower! Alas, the VWNE was $250, which was a lot of money. So, being the resourceful recycling advocate that I am, I procured a refurbished one and hooked it up to my network. Then I called Verizon to begin what would soon become one of the Bottom 10 Least Enjoyable Experiences in customer service history (note: obvious foreshadowing).
The first technician I spoke with was Benjamin, who was actually quite helpful. He noted the VWNE's MAC address and other information before attempting to allow me to access my unit. But he could not. Why? Apparently the unit was still registered to another Verizon customer. He told me the matter would be forwarded to "Verizon Correspondence Support" who would contact the registered owner and get their approval to reassign the unit.
A week later, I called in to ask about the status of my request, but was told by Darryl (another tech from the VWNE department) that the "Verizon Correspondence Support" department did not exist. Did. Not. Exist? Fine, I explained the situation again, and Darryl eventually told me he would submit a special access form which may resolve the problem. He apologized for the mixup, thanked me for my patience, and told me to wait 24-48 hours for his return call with the results.
120 hours later, I called to ask about the status of the change access form because I had not received a callback. Michelle, another representative of VWNE support, told me there was no record of this form having been submitted. No. Record...? After which, she made no effort to help me after reading through my transcript. In fact, quite the opposite. To paraphrase...
"I'm sorry we wasted two weeks of your time leading you to believe we had a solution. Actually, there is no Verizon Correspondence Department, there is no special access form, and no tech will be calling you back. Furthermore, I will not allow you to use our unit because the previous owner hasn't filled out Release Form 27B stroke 6. For all I know it might have been stolen. Perhaps by you? I guess we'll never know for sure, because I won't contact the owner for any reason. In fact, there is nothing I can do to help you whatsoever. But if you like, feel free to throw our network adapter in a landfill. Thank you and have a nice day."
OK Michelle, here's the deal. I don't even WANT this doohickey. You see, all I want is for my phone to work. That's why I am calling you. To get THIS piece of your equipment working, at my expense, so that I can continue to be a Verizon customer. Seems like I'm doing my part. Why is this so difficult?
"Sorry"
Lesson of the story? DON'T BE A MICHELLE. If a customer is in trouble and you can't solve his/her problem, contact a supervisor and work out an alternative. In my example, perhaps Verizon could have provided me with an "official" VWNE? At a discount? Or have a technician sent out to examine the signal? Really, *anything* is better than being brushed off. After being brushed off.
After being brushed off.

Answer 1

Follow up: I acquired another VWNE from a local seller, just in case he had to be contacted for the Nuclear Priority Phone Release Code (geez). Ironically, it wasn't necessary, because said fellow had already left Verizon after too many negative customer service issues. Oops.
The good news is that Verizon was able to properly activate the second unit. I was connected to a VWNE tech named Bertha who was VERY helpful and treated me like a human being. Which made all the difference and restored my faith in humanity. I requested that my story be relayed to upper management so that the hordes of secondhand VWNE buyers wouldn't also get burned by Verizon's "hands off and look elsewhere" policy. Bingo. Finally. Done.
Epilogue: Until Verizon eases up on their needlessly stringent policy, beware the unchecked VWNE! Be sure to get the MAC code and check it with a local store/tech support before buying it.